Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
