I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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