I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
