Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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