East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
