Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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