she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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