a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
