plz talk dirty to me
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
