My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
