dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
