So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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