evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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