I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
