I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
