one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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