Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
