Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
