I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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