hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
