His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
