all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
