you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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