tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
