i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
