I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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