What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
