Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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