you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
