dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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