The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
