Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
