A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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