if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
