She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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