did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
