I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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