Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
