Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Will exercising make me less horny?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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