I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
