dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
This is my gift to your gina
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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