how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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