cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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