Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
