This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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