I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
