I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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