Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
