So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
