How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
