he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
All the doctor said was why
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
