dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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