I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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