the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Walk of Shame today included voting.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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